The Lego Batman Movie/Transcript
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) BATMAN: Black. All important movies start with a black screen. And music. Edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous. And logos. Really long and dramatic logos. Warner Bros. Why not "Warner Brothers"? I don't know. (THUNDER RUMBLING) DC. The house that Batman built. Yeah, what, Superman? Come at me, bro. I'm your Kryptonite. Hmm. Not sure what RatPac does, but that logo is macho. I dig it. Okay. Get yourself ready for some reading. "If you want to make a world a better place, "take a look at yourself and make a change. "Hooo." No, I said that. Batman is very wise. I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I've got an extra ab. Now, let's start the movie. BILL: Gotham Tower. This is McGuffin Airlines, Flight 1138. We are transporting 11 million sticks of dynamite, 17,000 pounds of C-4, about 150 cute little classic bomb-type bombs, and two best friends! And request permission to fly over the most crime-ridden city in the world. Over. I'm just looking at all the guys' faces here in the control tower. -I'm good. -Sounds good to me. -Do it! -Yeah, as long as they're best friends. -Thumbs up! -Yep, I think we're cool with that. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) LEAD CRIMINAL: Gentlemen, seal breach in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! What was that? -One of us should check it out. -Okay. BOTH: Scissors, paper, rock. -Paper. -Scissors. Ha! You always do paper. I'm a loser at home and a loser at work. Holy cow! (SCREAMS) (MUZAK PLAYING) Captain Dale, is everything okay? LEAD CRIMINAL: I am afraid Captain Dale had to bail. I'm your new co-pilot. And I always come to work with a smile! -You should be terrifired. -Why? Because I will be taking over the city. Mmm... -What? -Batman will stop you. -(BLOWS RASPBERRY) -He always stops you. No, he doesn't. What about that time with the two boats? This is better than the two boats. -Mmm... -Well, tonight is gonna be different. Tonight is my greatest plan yet. And trust me, Batman's never gonna see it coming. BILL: Like that time with the parade and the Prince music? JOKER: Hey, quiet! -Good night, Steve. -Take it easy, Jeff. Man, I really like that guy. I sure hope nothing bad happens to him. (JEFF WHISTLING) (SINGING) Nothing bad happens to me What the... JOKER: Your city is under attack by Gotham's greatest criminal minds. Including -The Riddler. -(LAUGHING) Scarecrow. Pizza delivery? (GROANS) -Bane. -Hello. Two-Face. We need that door open, baby! Catwoman. Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow. SECURITY GUARD: I'm jumping out of the way! (HONKING) JOKER: And let's not forget, Clayface! (ROARING) (IMITATING GUNS FIRING) -Poison Ivy. -(IMITATES GUNS FIRING) -Freeze! -MR. FREEZE: No! You freeze! JOKER: Mr. Freeze! Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser. Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula. King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth, March Harriet, Zodiac Master, Gentleman Ghost. Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite-Man, Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King. Okay, are you making some of those up? Nope, they're all real. Probably worth a Google. -Hey, watch it! -Commissioner Gordon! Category:Transcripts